A WORK IN PROGRESS!!

Living this life is a work in progress for every one, I guess.... Each day we are given the chance to re-create ourselves and strive to be the person we want to be. It's cool that way but, DO PEOPLE REALLY SEE A BRAND NEW DAY LIKE ANOTHER CHANCE OR, do they just think of NEW DAY as just "another day"??
Hmm.....I wonder what others think....even though, I can't change any one.

I always question my Teacher about why people never smile when they are walking down the street or on the subway, bus or any where...Every one seems so sad or troubled or something but, these days...I AM TRULY HAPPY! (not just on the outside but, really, really on the inside as well)
I guess every one else's life is a work in progress too. Not just me. I guess that is the cool part. Every one will change when they are ready to change and until they realize that they have the power to change and be happy. It's THIS MOMENT THAT MATTERS, YOU GET IT??

Since, my last posting and since I'm completely alone. NO FAMILY! I have been trying to change some of the things I'm supposed to change. For example, saying swear words. I have learned from my Teacher that "Swear Words are Not Adjectives", and it has helped a lot. I don't swear any more except for when it just kinda comes out. It's habit though, you can change bad habits by continuing to have good habits. Just practice, practice, practice....WHAT COULD BE SO HARD??

I'm telling you now, things are not easy! Especially when you really look at your self and change many things about yourself, all at once. Every day I'm going to re-create myself until I'm actually the person I want to be....I can try!

The thought manifests the word;
The word manifests the deed;
The deed develops into habit,
And habit hardens into character.
So, watch the thought and its ways with care,
And let it spring from love.
Born out of concern for all beings.

As the shadow follows the body,
As we think, so we become.

-Lama Surya Das

The NEXT STEP IN HAVING COMPLETE HAPPINESS AND JOY IN MY HEART...

These days my heart has been feeling very heavy and troubled every time some one in my family calls (it's like, I can't get away from them). I find true happiness in my heart when I am living my life without them and I truly want my own happiness to grow and grow and not get squashed every time they call. It's like they don't even care if a portion of my heart of happiness is broken off every time they call.

True HAPPINESS....Do people even know what this feels like or what exactly it is??

I think for the time being I've experienced it in my heart and I desire to hold this happiness and live my own life. For now, I've found it except....YES, FAMILY!!! I'm on the verge of completely blocking them out. If they push any more buttons....I think I would feel like, I would want to disown them.

My Teacher teaches me to be KIND. At first I thought being KIND was I had to put others first before myself and my heart but.....later, I learned that I can't be KIND to others unless I am KIND to myself first. I realized that I'm being KIND to myself staying away from my family.

A few weeks ago I went on a Artist's Walk and Date and during this time, I did something that I have never done before in my life. After this day, MY HEART, MY WHOLE BEING was so HAPPY. I can't even explain what I felt felt. This feeling stayed with me for the whole week. This is called "ROMANCING" with yourself. I want to feel this feeling all the time. I WANT TO BE HAPPY. IS IT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR??

Hmm....

These days I find life kind of....Hmm.....I can't really describe it. For one thing, it is challenging and yet through the challenges, so much magic happens. Life in general seems to be a Learning Process, Adventure, Listening, Trusting, Believing, Patients, Being a Friend, and expanding happiness.

During the last two weeks, I have spent a lot of time "Romancing" with myself and discovering things about myself that I never knew before. I also, ran into many challenges but, have come out of the struggles only to find out that I already know many things, I just need to be more patient and have more faith. Everything takes time is one BIG thing I realized. Whether or not I want it to or not.....Everything takes time. During this waiting time, all I need to continue to do is keep doing the things that make me happy. Then, something magical will happen. I will just know what I really want to do. It's cool that way but, I NEED TO HAVE MORE PATIENTS AND JUST TRUST. HAVE FAITH.

Also, I realized that even if it's just a little bit, I'm growing up. I'm not the same person as I was when I first moved out a month and a half ago. Each day I'm finding out WHO I AM and WHAT I WAN T TO BE. It's a cool process and I know, I'm growing. Even now I know that I have made lots of progress with everything that I'm learning from my Teacher and daily experiences.

Hmm...Yesterday was Father's day and I didn't want to meet my parents at all cause, i wanted to distance myself from my family for awhile until I'm ready and until they realize that I'm not their toy or belonging....But, we met outside so, I figured it would be ok. I went to meet them not expecting anything. I visioned them as the same people who probably haven't changed one bit. Well, much to my visioning, I was right. They haven't changed at all. My mom had dragged my dad out who, could barely come out of the car or walk straight because he had drank too much. I was a little disappointed but, REALITY is, THAT I CAN'T CHANGE THEM or EXPECT THEM TO CHANGE. I guess everyone has there place in the Universe and when they are ready, people will change. Until then, I plan on keeping my distance because, it actually makes me happy not seeing or talking to them all the time. I feel like I'm becoming my own person. I'M STANDING UP FOR WHAT I THINK IS RIGHT FOR ME.

I've come to learn that, "NO ONE CAN TELL ANYONE WHAT TO DO". It's a cool kind of FREEDOM we all have access too. Just because they are flesh and blood doesn't mean that they are considered FAMILY. Family is a group of people (whoever they are) who truly cares for each other, doesn't judge (well, you shouldn't judge anyone any ways), listens, and respects. This is what I think of a FAMILY. But, unfortunately there are many families that lack these simple and basic principles. It makes me sad.

Well, this was basically my past few weeks.

Hmm.....

Who Am I??

I am Dreams, wanting to come true.
I am Vision, wanting to be seen.
I am Light, wanting to shine.

I will make my dreams come true.
I will make my visions seen.
I will light the path of my future.

I am Kind, wanting kindness.
I am Good, wanting goodness.
I am Faith, wanting Faithfulness.

For I AM that I AM.

Blind Homeless Person...

Close to where I live, this person sits with this sign and waits for people to hand him some money.

I took this picture as I was coming back from my Artists Walk. All these feelings started forming and I felt compassion, sadness, grateful, and happy all at the same time.

"Your ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE determines your ALTITUDE" -Tulshi Sen

Homeless Person Sleeping on the Street...

I took this picture of a person sleeping on the street as I was walking by. I felt so bad for him because so many of us live so comfortably and still there are those who are sleeping on the street.

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Trees of Compassion...

I called this picture, "Trees of COMPASSION, " because they live in a graveyard. It seemed to me that they were looking after all the people that are resting there.

Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast- you also miss the sense of where you are going and why. - Eddie Cantor

Dedicated to Anguli Mala, An Enraged Jungle Dwelling Giant Who Became Good...

I read a story about this giant named Anguli Mala and I wanted to dedicate this picture I took to him.

There was this giant who lived in the jungle and he was very angry. His name is very fitting for this giant cause Anguli means "finger bone" and Mala, means "necklace or rosary". "Around his neck he more a necklace of 999 human finger bones- one from each of the people he had killed. So lacking pity or mercy was he that he was even planning to murder his own mother, whose finger bone could then also be strung around his neck.

Everybody has aspirations of some sort; Anguli Mala's was to add the thousandth bone to his prized collection. This was his single-minded desire. With that in mind, one day as he was walking down the jungle path, he spied a yellow-robed mendicant walking slowly alone. Another finger bone! Anguli Mala hurried forward, murder in his twisted mind and violence on his face. But when he reached his intended victim and gazed into the Buddha's peaceful shining countenance, he was unable to complete his plan of action.

"Who are you?" Anguli Mala asked.'"Why do you shine like that, and what is it about you that immediately calms and pacifies my blazing inner fires?"

"The Buddha replied, "I have calmed my own inner fires."

Anguli Mala was so awed that he knelt down and confessed, "I was coming to kill you, a saint, but now the bonfire raging inside has gone out. Why?"

"This," the Buddha told Anguli Mala, "is the effect of inner peace, enlightenment, nirvana." -Awakening the BUddha Within by Lama Surya Das

Anguli Mala became good. To me this giant was very strong, bitter, and just so angry but, later on he became kind, compassionate, and loving. He had so much courage to change his old self and become a new person who found inner peace and happiness.

The JOURNEY BEGINS...

We begin this journey together,
you much appreciate that a secrets value is not what you know,
but in what you do.

-Dan Millman, The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

One Month Since...

It's been one month since I've moved out on my own. During the past month, I've had many struggles, and have discovered so many things about me that I never knew before. As well, the "Onion" has peeled a little as well. I also have learned many, many things from my Teacher that I'm still trying to digest.

Once again I was reminded that, "I can't change anyone." Even if I want my family to change some how, they won't. Even if I hope for them to change, they won't. It's a funny concept but, very TRUE. I realize this now after struggling with this inside my heart. Yes, I can feel a little frustrated but, I'm realizing that there is no point cause they will start to change when they are ready. All I can try to do is just accept them for who they are but, it will take lots of work on my part to get to this point. I'm willing to wait but in the mean time, I've decided not to deal with them.

Another great lesson that I have learned from my Teacher was that, I can't be kind to people unless, I'm kind to myself first. I had difficulty understanding this concept of BEING KIND, but now I get it. Yes, the ultimate goal is to be KIND to others no matter what but, everyone needs to learn to be KIND to themselves before anything, EVEN IF IT HURTS OTHER PEOPLE. It's important to "ROMANCE" with ourselves first (This does not mean any thing perverse). It just means, in order to find happiness, we need to learn to spend quality time with ourselves and discover who we are and just play with life and opportunities that come our way.

Just last week my Teacher suggested that I go do something that I have never done before and just "Romance" with myself. So, I went on a Artist Walk and I walked for 2 and a half hours. After spending these few ours "Romancing" with myself, I felt so much joy, happiness, and excitement that I have never experienced or felt before. It was so great! This is the feeling of expanding happiness in yourself. The thing is, after this experience....I could not seem to focus on my other responsibilities but, thats another thing we need to balance in our lives.

So, during this one month of freedom and discovery, I've made progress and I feel that I'm growing up just a little bit more. I know that my Happiness is just aroud the corner. I just need to realize it and discover it.

Being KIND!

My Teacher taught me that the Number 1 rule is to BE KIND TO OTHERS. I never really understood what she meant. Yes, you can be KIND to others but, to be genuinely KIND every one is actually quite difficult. I am also one who needs to constantly practice being KIND from the bottom of my heart, even to those who are not KIND to me.

The other day, I went out and I really needed to use the washroom. So I walked into a Coin Laundry place and I asked the lady if I could use th washroom and she replied, "NO, you are an outsider." I felt really angry because she called me an "Outsider". But, later on, I realized maybe it wasn't her fault being unkind. I realized in this world so many of us take advantage and do not realize how important it is to be KIND to others.

Being KIND to some one else is so important. When you are listening to some one, it is important for us to listen to them with our whole attention and our whole Beingness. As well, it is important to be KIND to those who we pass by on the streets. I realized that if one person starts being truly kind to every one, others around will start being KIND too.

Let's all try and bring our inner KINDNESS out and start spreading it.