"PEACEFUL ABIDING"

Today I was reading a chapter in the book I bought the other day. See, this whole week has been a little stressful because of work, and a slight change in routine....but, I read something that really turned my attention to "NOT THE SITUATION" that I'm in but rather...

"WHAT I COULD DO NOW".

I realized that I need to focus on the NOW and not all the things I NEED TO DO. I realized that I can focus more when I live in the NOW.

"Just to being able to accept things the way they just are..."....Hmm....I remember that some one I was close with told me this....I find it hard sometimes still to have this mind set and actually follow through with it but, I know in my heart as I grow each day....It will just happen.

I realized through out this week that, I make decisions without thinking most of the time. I don't realize what the consequences may be after I make a decision or do something....So, I've decided not to make a decision without truly feeling out everything and thinking about all the possible consequences....but, things don't seem like they are all black and white....what about the in between colors.....?? How would I know what decision to make...?? I realized that LIFE is full of decisions and we just need to learn from each one of them. It's an interesting process....

Well, I guess I have learned some things about myself this week.....I feel better though and my mind is not so scattered. HA HA HA :)

See ya and Peaceful Abiding to you all

"The Real Master...."

Last night I was reading a book and it suddenly hit me....It's time to grow up and BE MY OWN PERSON. I realized that I cannot depend on people and listen to every one that tells me what to do. It's time to THINK, and MAKE DECISIONS (cause I'm FREE to choose whatever I want) MYSELF. I don't need ANY ONE in my life to tell me what to do....

"Only your inner light can become the sunrise. The false master
persuades you to follow him, to imitate him, to be just a carbon copy of him.
The real master will not allow you to be a carbon copy, he wants you to be the original. He loves you! How can he make you imitative? He has compassion for you, he would like you to be utterly free- free from all outer dependencies.....


One has to accept life with all its problems. One has to go through life unprotected; one has to seek and search one's way. Life is an opportunity, a challenge, to find yourself....


Be the light unto yourself and you will be wise; let others become your leaders, your guides, and you will remain stupid, and you will go on missing all the treasures of life-which were yours."

Osho- Intelligence

I had a great friend who I really treasured and I will always treasure....and this person taught me many great and cool things that NO ONE has ever taught me and I'm really thankful but, I'm kinda happy that this person is no longer my friend. It sounds kinda funny but true. I realized that I had come to depend on this person a lot and I haven't really learned to listen to my own heart or even be my own person. NOW is the time to be my own person, and if that person was ever to come into my life again...I would like it if, this person was just my friend. A person who will just accept me for who I am....(even though I haven't really figured it out yet). It is kinda cool to realize this freedom that I have....I'm ready to let go and just treasure all the memories....It's time to be ME!

What is THIS that has BREATH??

"Then the Lord God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being."
Genesis 2:7

I was lying in bed feeling the way I breath and I suddenly woke up with so many thoughts and an urge to write. I wrote in my journal for a while and then I just turned my computer on and now, I'm trying to put all my running thoughts on my blog.


Last few weeks have been a little crazy and I haven't had much time to just think and listen to the silence of my apartment but, I have a longing too just sit in silence and grab each running thought and put them to understanding.

What is THIS that has breath??

This question keeps filling my mind and my thoughts. Seriously, what is it that gives us breath?? What is the urge and determination that keeps us breathing and going each day?? What is the purpose of our lives?? Why are we here?? How does our relationship with our own hearts and thoughts fit with the Universe?? How do I find my Center?? Who am I?? All these questions with no answers have filled my mind and thoughts and empty pages tonight.

The breath that is in me seems to be all my desires, passions, dreams, and visions... Another being inside of me, different from my mind and thoughts. It's actually every interesting and I'm curious as to what this breath can create and become....Well, I think that the breath inside me and the thing that gives me breath to live is GOD, the Universe....

I was told that whatever I wrote in my journal and whatever I desired would come true. I was so tempted to throw all that I have learned the past 7 (give or take) months out into the gutter when, something inside me stirred. Something in my heart told me not to forget anything that I've learned but, I should try to build upon them and figure out MY LIFE and continue to SEEK the answers to my never ending questions. Maybe this is my purpose...to ask and receive and maybe when I knock on the Universe loud enough, the doors will open and the doors to my heart will shine. I will never know unless I try....

I have decided to treasure everything I was taught and the stories I've been told. I will never forget and I will be thankful.....

Everything CHANGES...

Today I realized that everything changes. NOTHING remains the same.... So, I wrote a something about this.

Everything seems to change around me
Will anything remain the same?
I was once told that "Change is Good"
Sometimes its hard to see this through
Help me believe and see the truth.

Everything seems to change
My world turns upside down
When will my life turn the way it should?
I close my eyes and everything
Seems to go back the way it was
But I know its just a longing
A dream in my heart
Teach me to Believe

My world starts to turn
And I can feel the light
I know that nothing remains the same
"Change is good",
This is what I've been told
Teach me to Believe.

My world starts to turn
And I can feel the light
I know that nothing remains the same
"Change is good"
This is what I've been told
Teach me to Believe.

Melody in My Heart....

The other night I was woken up by a sudden urge to turn my computer on and write on my blog. It was an interesting feeling.

Then, last night it happened again but this time, I had an urge to draw a picture in my "Possibilities" book. (For those of you who don't know what that is....it's my special scrap book filled with dreams and visions and it's dedicated to my future.) I ended up drawing a picture of me....flying in the clouds and around me, there was all this beautiful bright light. It was such a wonderful feeling. Being set free.....

Well, today as I went to work, I had this melody in my head all day but, I had no words for it. Plus, who would have known......I never really thought of singing as anything until today. The feeling of being free to express all my thoughts and dreams....it was so liberating. Well, these are the words to my song.

I just want to be set free
I want to fly above the clouds
I just want to feel the joy
What is my purpose here?

Why does everything look so dark?
Where's the light that will set me free?

I just want to be set free
I want to fly above the clouds
I just want to feel the joy
What is my purpose here?

Where's the light that shines so bright?
Where's the laughter and the joy?
I just want to be set free

Teach me to fly
Teach me to shine
Show me the joy that I long for

I just want to be set free
Show me the way to the light

I Never Knew....

I never knew these things,
That my eyes are opening too.
I feel my heart beating,
I know I am alive.
But, Why Am I here?

I never knew these things,
That my heart is opening too.
I can feel the things around me,
I know I am alive.
But, Why Am I here?

I never knew these things,
That each day that I am given,
Is for me to search and find my path,
My Dreams, and Passions,
But, Why Am I here?
Why Am I here?

BREAKING FREE...

Breaking free from all my past conditioning seems to be the reason why I'm here right now. It's all so clear to me now. I never was able to realize this until recently when I was told by my Big Sister, and Teacher that I was not showing her any respect. So, today as I was about to go to bed after an exhausting day at work, needed to write on my blog and inspire myself and the rest of you who read my blog. :)

Peeling the Onion and Breaking Free from all my Past Conditioning has been a lot of work and very rewarding because, I'm able to realize little by little WHO I AM INSIDE, and I'm able to throw away the things I do not like and keep working on the things I desire and truly want to Be. It's a pretty cool experience!

See, my parents never really taught me much when I was growing up and I actually never knew that I was being like them in some ways. I understand why my Big Sister said I was not showing her any respect. See, my parents never taught me how to show some one respect but most of all, how to show myself respect first. I just broke Free from this one past conditioning. I know, in some ways this may sound really funny but, I'm actually really proud of myself for figuring this out now. Also, I'm very sorry for not showing any respect towards my Big Sister. I understand this now and I choose to take the responsibilities for my actions from now on.

Living My Life NOW....

Today during my lunch at work I realized so many things about what the next step is in my life. I realized once again NOW is the time. NOW is the moment to change and become the person I want to be. Yes, it is every day that I work on this but, I think I know NOW what I need to do each day in order to get where I want to go or, for the Universe to show me what I truly desire.

What do I truly DESIRE?? It's a question I have been thinking about the last few months since I've been on my own.....It's strange but, ....I never realized how difficult this question really is. IT'S NOT SIMPLE! Believe me...

WHO AM I?? This question I think can be answered when I realize my true desires. I know, it all sounds a bit confusing but, believe me, the confusing part is, pondering these questions day in and day out........Where do I even start?? Hmm...

I finally realized how important it is to do what I need to do each day. I have been putting some of my daily (what would you call it....??).....WORK. I guess I can call it WORK....Such as (If your probably wondering...) Like Morning Pages, and other things....Although, every day no matter what I write in my journal. That's something I never forget to do. I guess it's a good thing. BUT, I realized today that if I discipline myself do actually do ALL the things I need to do....I have a feeling that I'll get there faster. See, I still lack a tremendous amount of patients. I'm working on it though.

My Big Sister told me that "Patients is Courage". I've been wondering about this all week. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?? HOW LONG DO I NEED TO BE PATIENT FOR TO FIND COURAGE?? Hmm.......I wonder what happens when One is patient enough to receive Courage.....

So many things....so many things I find that I don't know what they are. I find that I know, what I know and ....I want MORE!

I also want to say that I TRUST NOW! I still have much work to do but, the main thing is, for now, I TRUST!

Romancing with Myself and My Feelings....

I started reading a new book today called, Intelligence by Osho and I read something so true and so beautifully expressed in it's own way.

" Look around! People's lives are absolutely poisoned,
poisoned by the head. They cannot feel,
they are no longer sensitive,
nothing thrills them.
The sun rises but nothing rises in them;
they look at the sun empty-eyed.
The sky becomes full of stars-they marvel, the mystery!-
but nothing stirs in their hearts, no song arises.
Birds sing-man has forgotten to sing.
Clouds come in the sky and the peacocks dance,
and man does not know how to dance.
He has become a cripple.
The trees bloom-and man thinks,
never feels, and without feeling there
is no flowering possible"

This made me think a lot about how I want to live my life from now on. I want to FEEL as much as possible, I want to enjoy every sun rise and I want to enjoy the magic that is in each day we are given to live. Once again I realized how important it is to Romance with Myself and spend the day just being KIND to myself! To be able to feel and listen to your own heart is a gift from the Universe that is so powerful and limitless. It's amazing!

Romancing with My Thoughts....

These days I have been spending a lot of time Romancing with my thoughts....as well trying to figure out WHO I AM...and WHAT I AM ALL ABOUT and WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO DO......

One thing I want to accomplish is ....I want to be able to have a quiet mind. Just BE STILL and LISTEN! I find that I lack listening skills some times and it gets me into a lot of trouble. Ha ha ha! I mean, Not that I want to get in trouble of any thing. It just kinda happens.

Hmm.....Well, I'm not sure what else to write right now so....I'll leave you with this thought....

" To find out what is truth requires immense patience, gentleness, hesitancy....but if as you listen you can be completely attentive, then you will see that this very attention frees you from effort so that without movement in any direction the mind is capable of receiving something which is extraordinarily beautiful and creative, something which is not to be measured by knowledge, by the past." -As One Is

I have been reading this book called As One Is and it's been inspiring me and it's filling with this passion to truly find WHO I AM and peel the layers of the Onion away.

Romancing At the Museum....

The other day I went to the Museum with bunch of friends and there are some of the photos I took...







There are many more but, I think I'll just leave it at these four.